Sick Jokes

[Alf Garnet]

Lets have some sick jokes I can tell down the pub tommorow :drink:

what did the deaf,dumb and blind kid get for xmas?


cancer



:drink:

[Alf Garnet]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, made out of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry your groceries in.

[Alf Garnet]

What do you do when you see an epileptic having a bath?


Chuck in all your washing.

[Alf Garnet]

OK last one unless you lot come up with some funnies

What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?

Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the arse.

[Alf Garnet]

guys sitiing watching tv
his girlfriend comes home, slams the door, calls him a bastard and storms into the bedroom

huffing and puffing he gets up and goes after her

"whats wrong now?"
"my shrink says your a paedophile and i should leave you!"
"wow, thats a big word for a 12 year old"

[Alf Garnet]

OK last sick joke

A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.
Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ....
SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall....
Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY??????
The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says...
He was ALREADY DEAD

[dvtimes]

guys sitiing watching tv
his girlfriend comes home, slams the door, calls him a bastard and storms into the bedroom

huffing and puffing he gets up and goes after her

"whats wrong now?"
"my shrink says your a paedophile and i should leave you!"
"wow, thats a big word for a 12 year old"

It took me a bit to get that.

[-HF]

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

[-HF]

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait'll I switch this finger to his mouth."

[craig]

Whats the diffrence between a french women and as basketball team?


The basketball team showers after 4 periods.