View Full Version : I have got a strange job.
dvtimes
07-15-05, 11:52 AM
I have got a strange job.
A few mates of mine in Leeds have given me an odd job. All it is, is to travel to places, and drop presents off for people.
The last one was a trip to London, and to pop some presents on tube trains. I guess its a bit like florists, but rather than flowers its small presents.
£500, just to do that. Easy cash.
I hate to tell them that I lost one on the bus. But no one has noticed at the moment.
They said I did a good job, so maybe more work.
One of them got pinched by the police a few days back. I guess he has not paid his parking fines.
ChemicalEyes
07-15-05, 12:11 PM
Humorous.. not.
Hilarious... really absolutely fucking hilarious :ugly:
Mattyboy
07-15-05, 01:14 PM
Wtf!?!
ukwebmasters
07-15-05, 01:57 PM
vixens... there are plans afoot to get you and dvt together at a future time leeds gathering, don't spoil it!
:onguard:
dvtimes
07-15-05, 02:01 PM
You may think my post is in bad taste.
That's fine.
But if you want to spend your time with black arm bands on, then in reality you have let the terrists win.
I think its bad taste to have it on the news 24 hours a day. It was just cheap TV, getting ratings from a disaster.
I will not apologise for having a dark sense of humour, after all millions died in the second world war and lots of comedies have been made about the war.
In fact did what I post really offend anyone, or are people simply posting that I was wrong because they felt that what is expected?
To me its Diane all over again. Everybody made to feel that we all must bow out heads and be in black cloths and so on out of respect.
I am in fact very sad over the deaths and injuries from the bombings. But I would be dishonest if I was to follow the crowd and put on this false stance as everybody else is made to feel they must do.
Of course I could be like others, maybe go to the extremes as many are doing, and spit and maybe beat up any person who I come across who looks Asian. But for me that's sick.
But if you want to spend your time with black arm bands on, then in reality you have let the terrists win.
There's a world of difference between allowing it to take over your life and stay in your house so that the terrorists win - and taking the piss out of a situation where innocent people lost their lives. It's just not a laughing matter at all.
I think its bad taste to have it on the news 24 hours a day. It was just cheap TV, getting ratings from a disaster.
Again a world of difference between entertainment programs and information programs. You of all people should know this - being our resident TV expert.
In fact did what I post really offend anyone, or are people simply posting that I was wrong because they felt that what is expected?
Honest answer? You really fucking offended me. I really do CARE when I see young men blowing up their fellow countrymen for any reason at all. Same way that I care about wars, famine and anything that kills the innocent.
I don't believe in censorship on the whole - but please will you for once engage your fucking brain before posting bollocks.
daveydude
07-15-05, 02:27 PM
Funniest man in the world. Keep em coming Alan. Do you know any Holocaust jokes? I find the more people who died, the funnier the joke is.
ukwebmasters
07-15-05, 02:28 PM
please will you for once engage your fucking brain before posting bollocks.
I guess if he didn't post bollocks on beer and bollocks he'd be way off topic lol
:onguard:
dvtimes
07-15-05, 02:31 PM
Funniest man in the world. Keep em coming Alan. Do you know any Holocaust jokes? I find the more people who died, the funnier the joke is.
I have a few Jewish friends who do.
Yes but not one week after the event, before the dead are even buried, and it was even humurous or witty it was pathetic just like you.
AND how fucking stupid to leave yourself wide open buy posting that, we don't know if you're serious and trying some clever double bluff game, so I'm afraid the anti terrorist squad will be checking your post out. :mcdonalds
Are you fucking serious or what?
Maybe the Anti Terrorist Squad will check out his post and they will probably laugh as much as I did :takethat:
So if you ring that number and tell them to come and check it out make sure you giver your real name and address to them cos I'm sure they will want to vist you for wasting their fucking time.
I thought I had stumbled on another yank board when I saw the reply's to dvtime's thread. I mean I thought the British had a sense of humour.
Probably if someone I knew had died then it might not have been so funny, still funny, just not AS funny.
What about just after the Tsunami and the Red Cross were sending out emergancy supplies of Fairy Liquid because there was recrod numbers of people washing up on the beach. That was actually funnier then than it is now.
I suppose you better get the Anti Terrosit Squad or whoever to come and see me as well for finding what dvtimes posting amusing.
ukwebmasters
07-15-05, 06:33 PM
yeah geezer i'm with you there, uk vixens' 'threat' easily wins him...
THE BEER AND BOLLOCKS WIMPETTE NOOFTER AWARD 2005
lmfao
:onguard:
dvtimes
07-15-05, 08:12 PM
Are you fucking serious or what?
Maybe the Anti Terrorist Squad will check out his post and they will probably laugh as much as I did :takethat:
So if you ring that number and tell them to come and check it out make sure you giver your real name and address to them cos I'm sure they will want to vist you for wasting their fucking time.
I thought I had stumbled on another yank board when I saw the reply's to dvtime's thread. I mean I thought the British had a sense of humour.
Probably if someone I knew had died then it might not have been so funny, still funny, just not AS funny.
What about just after the Tsunami and the Red Cross were sending out emergancy supplies of Fairy Liquid because there was recrod numbers of people washing up on the beach. That was actually funnier then than it is now.
I suppose you better get the Anti Terrosit Squad or whoever to come and see me as well for finding what dvtimes posting amusing.
You sod.
I read that "after the Tsunami and the Red Cross were sending out emergancy supplies of Fairy Liquid because there was recrod numbers of people washing up on the beach." while drinking some milk.
I started laughing, and it went down the wrong way.
I now have a lung full of milk.
yeah geezer i'm with you there, uk vixens' 'threat' easily wins him...
THE BEER AND BOLLOCKS WIMPETTE NOOFTER AWARD 2005
lmfao
:onguard:
Yep :gold: :gay:
I thought I had stumbled on another yank board when I saw the reply's to dvtime's thread. I mean I thought the British had a sense of humour.
OK maybe I'm being dim - but why is it American of me not to have found the post funny?
OK maybe I'm being dim - but why is it American of me not to have found the post funny?
Cos the yanks ain't got the same sense of humour of us British and if you post anything like that on a mainly yank board you will get the kind of reaction that dvtimes got from a few.
It was a joke and should be taken as one, I found it funny you never, so there you go.
Maybe what you do would offend a lot of people but it doesn't stop you doing it, Adult Biz I mean.
Cos the yanks ain't got the same sense of humour of us British and if you post anything like that on a mainly yank board you will get the kind of reaction that dvtimes got from a few.
worse, way worse. :D
we were asked back to CompuServe in 2002 to help boost an adult forum. i posted some joke that could be interpreted as referring to planes slamming into buildings - the uproar was fascinating. killed all the fun and we pulled out right away again.
Yeah, fucking try me !
Oooooooooo!, ark at you :gay:
Shall I give you my address so you can phone the Anti Terrorist Squad and tell them that some bad man found something funny about what someone said about the bombings in London.
worse, way worse. :D
we were asked back to CompuServe in 2002 to help boost an adult forum. i posted some joke that could be interpreted as referring to planes slamming into buildings - the uproar was fascinating. killed all the fun and we pulled out right away again.
Well the thing is, should we not make a joke about cancer in case someone knows someone who has died of cancer or has had cancer themselves.
Should we not make jokes about aids cos someone knows someone who has died from aids or has aids themselves.
Should me not make jokes about someone being shot cos someone might know someone who has been shot or has been shot themselves.
Should we not make jokes about someone who was mugged cos someone might know someone who has been mugged or has been mugged themsleves.
Should we not make jokes about the disabled cos someone might know someone who is disabled or even be disabled themselves.
Should we not... I could go on all night.
dvtimes
07-16-05, 12:57 AM
The paper bag joke:
a paper bag goes to the doctor.
the doctor says sit down I have bad news for you.
the paper bag says what's up?
the doctor says, we ran tests and it turns out you have aids.
paper bag says, I am a paper bad. I cannot have aids.
doctor says, its your parents. they were carriers.
The paper bag joke:
a paper bag goes to the doctor.
the doctor says sit down I have bad news for you.
the paper bag says what's up?
the doctor says, we ran tests and it turns out you have aids.
paper bag says, I am a paper bad. I cannot have aids.
doctor says, its your parents. they were carriers.
I think that is out of order, cos my mates mums brothers uncles cousin knows a bloke who used to go to school with his sisters half brothers great grandad who knew a bloke whose grandson went to school where one of the teachers best friends aunt worked with a woman who had aids :takethat:
Hi,
Jokes like the following one are widespread now.
Before you condemn people for the latest batch, you need to remember telling jokes like this is actually part of the human process of dealing with disasters.
"News Just In.
London transport authority are putting fares up to pay for the damage caused.
Tube fares will now cost an arm and a leg and bus fares are set to go
through the roof."
Freud pointed out a century ago that humor offers us a healthy means of coping with life stress. George Vaillant, in his book, Adaptation to Life, reported that in-depth interviews revealed that humor was a very effective coping mechanism used by many professional men under stress. Gail Sheehy reported the same thing for both men and women in her book, Pathfinders
Hi,
Jokes like the following one are widespread now.
Before you condemn people for the latest batch, you need to remember telling jokes like this is actually part of the human process of dealing with disasters.
"News Just In.
London transport authority are putting fares up to pay for the damage caused.
Tube fares will now cost an arm and a leg and bus fares are set to go
through the roof."
Freud pointed out a century ago that humor offers us a healthy means of coping with life stress. George Vaillant, in his book, Adaptation to Life, reported that in-depth interviews revealed that humor was a very effective coping mechanism used by many professional men under stress. Gail Sheehy reported the same thing for both men and women in her book, Pathfinders
That was funny as well :p
Don't try and make it seem acceptable just cos you quoted a few people :takethat:
Anyway how did you get on with your lager slush puppy?
I for one know that had I or any of my family been involved in the disaster we'd be the ones laughing and joking about it among the tears.. it's what we do.
As for not recognising the yankee comment.. you obviously weren't around many yanks when 911 went down. I lost track of the number of times we were threatened with being reported to the CIA for being terrorist sympathisers for daring to question events and make jokes about it.
It is EXACTLY that attitude that the people who did the attacks (whoever they may really be) want! They want us to be so in fear that we turn on each other. If we laugh and joke it actually goes against what they try to achieve. It is those fretting and fearing and threatening that are giving in to the terror.
daveydude
07-17-05, 11:40 AM
I have a sick fucking sense of humour, but I know when to keep my mouth shut as well. Joking about tragedies etc very close to when they happen is likely to get you smacked in the teeth, especially when they're close to home like this one was.
I agree about jokes being part of the healing process though, I just think they need to happen later rather than sooner.
To be fair, jokes about tragedies like the tsunami, 7/7, 9/11 etc strike me as just being mean hearted and rarely actually funny. I guess I'm just not into the 1970s Bernard Manning / Jim Davidson school of comedy.
I've got a good Michael Jackson one for you though:
Q: What have Michael Jackson and carrier bags got in common?
A: One's white, made of plastic, & dangerous to children, and the other is for carrying food home.
especially when they're close to home like this one was.
i was wondering that here were no comments on the turkish bombings yet. last numbers 1 irish dead, 3 UKers dead, 50+ UKers injured.
is it cos it's most likely done by a communist kurdish extremist group rather than religiously motivated? or cos it's far from home?
i would have thought it's the same kinda people being hurt.
daveydude
07-17-05, 02:44 PM
HF - you're forgetting the law of diminshing compassion - the further away something is, the less it matters. Not having it on the news 24/7 helps as well.
i'm not forgetting anything, those were rethorical questions, i shall add the winking smilie next time. ;)
daveydude
07-17-05, 02:53 PM
Where's Allan with a side-splitting Turkish bomb joke? Come on dude, the bodies will still be warm!
even without Alan we can assume holidays in a turkish resort are a blast.
Anyway how did you get on with your lager slush puppy?
Hi,
Well stocks were low so I had to pull it before it could go all the way.
It was icey but not to the extent of a slush puppy.
Once concern is what might happen if it was left too long?
Perhaps an ice tray filled up with a can of beer might be worth a go. then I could ice my beer with some beer ice cubes or just suck on them discreetly in front of the wife. :drink:
Anyone ever tried that?
Shandy McAndy
07-17-05, 06:00 PM
even without Alan we can assume holidays in a turkish resort are a blast.
I dont know if its wrong or right, but I did laugh at that
I dont know if its wrong or right, but I did laugh at that
wheres morefodder with the alan useless postometer, come on you're letting the side down mate... :takethat:
morefodder
07-18-05, 10:15 PM
wheres morefodder with the alan useless postometer, come on you're letting the side down mate... :takethat:
.. sorry , put it elsewhere ... ill just get it for you ... (clatter, pans banging ... fumble) here ya go
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