Really NEED some good humor right NOW!

[jade]

I could really use some good humor right now ........ before I FREAK right the FUCK out!

[Greg Gaskell]

Sand in your vagina is not good, it will make you call cranky.

[FFS]

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.

He asked with a smile "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned and replied "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The love making ended and, again, the young man smiled and, again, he asked, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman was going to outlast him, the young man reached for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they climaxed simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

The exhausted man fell onto his back, gasping, barely able to turn his head. He looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish!?"

Barely able to speak, she whispered in his ear, "No! I'm Norwegian."

[FFS]

A farmer buys a new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old resident rooster and says "Time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies "Surely you can't handle all of these chickens. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says "No way. You're past it and I'm taking over."

The old rooster says "Is that so? Tell you what, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You don't stand a chance. So, to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off and ten seconds later the young rooster goes running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only a few inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM! - blows the young rooster to bits.

Shaking his head, the farmer says "Bollocks! That's the third gay rooster I bought this month."

[FFS]

The first year students at a medical school were receiving their first anatomy class with a cadaver.

They gathered around the table on which the cadaver was laid and the professor began.

"In medicine, two qualities are paramount in a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

To illustrate his point, the professor pulled back the sheet covering the cadaver, stuck his finger in its arse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Now I'd like you all to do the same," he said.

Freaked out but feeling compelled to follow instructions, the students took turns sticking a finger in the arse of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had taken a turn, the professor said "You failed to notice that I stuck my middle finger in the arse of that corpse and sucked on my index finger. Now learn the second most important quality and pay attention."

Hope those help.